Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I looked at my own cervix.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
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I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
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