I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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