He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
