After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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