did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
