He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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