Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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