Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize