Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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