My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
