my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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