I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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