I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
