I think im going to throw up on grandma
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
