I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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