I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
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Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
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Why was I lying under a truck last night?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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