My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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