she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
