return my video game
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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