Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
