how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
