So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize