Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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