Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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