do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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