do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
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i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
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It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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