this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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