Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
