I can text with my tongue
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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