he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
