no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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