I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
