I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
