you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
