I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i think my cat just said my name.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
