we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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