chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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