So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
