Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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