Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
