My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
