oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
