Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
