I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
