you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
