Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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