just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
