wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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