dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
