After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
