Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Randomize
