you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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