I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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