So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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