So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
