I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
