You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
