Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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