Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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