I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
