Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
