The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
