So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
