I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
