the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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