Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
