Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
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It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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