I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
