U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
