god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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