How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
