Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
