I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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