OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
